And here it begins. I thought about you yesterday after you said you would return in twenty minutes and didn't show up. I figured you were busy or your mom didn't leave. But I did miss you. Lea Ann and Margo showed up at about noon and stayed for an hour. They are grown women with children, yet they beat up their men and drink like they have a bottomless pit. I suppose they are proud of themselves. I wouldn't be. They asked me to go out with them and "find me a man"...too bad they wouldn't much understand our complicated relationship. Lea Ann would to a certain extent, she's done the whole net thing. The age difference and two plus year wait is what would throw her off. I can hear her now, "Girl! You better go out and get you some! What he don't know won't hurt him." But it would hurt me, and being that I was not cut from the same cloth as her, I have a bit of self respect, not to mention respect for you. I wonder if this is real? This whole thing. If I am going to wake up after two years and have nothing to show for it. I know I worry too much, enough for the both of us, I just don't trust life. Now, don't get the wrong idea. I trust you completely, I just don't trust life in general. I went to Office Depot yesterday and saw a girl I used to hang out with before I had Ana. She grew up, that's for sure. She saw Ana and about died. She hadn't seen her since she was a baby. Brandy said that just the other day she had been looking at pictures of Ana and wondered where we were and how we had been doing. She told me she lives in Sterlington now and for me and Ana to stop by and see her. I doubt I ever will, but the offer was nice. I wonder how I would have turned out if I had not been the responsible one in our group. Out of me, Lindsey, Chaya, Brandy, Jessica and Joseph, not to mention Jamie's group, I was the only one not into drugs and alcohol, the only one with a job. I was the outider of the group. Seems I remained that way. I had Ana and grew up, didn't want to subject myself or my child to any of that. I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't talk to anyone anymore. Once I was shunned by Jamie, the rest of the group shunned me as well. I think the hurt they caused made me wary of anyone else. So, now it's me and my brother. We talked about that the other night. Us losing each other when we move. It's a complete separation and it's gonna hurt us both. When I move, I won't have anyone like him. Sure I will have the guys in Yuma, but it won't be the same. Not until I have you there to share in my life. It will be like a missing piece only you won't be missing, just out of reach. I can't wait to be able to do things with you, to enjoy time spent with you. I enjoy what I have with you now, but I guess I am selfish in saying that I want more.